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my grandfather

26 Apr 2013

Fellow 1 : Now my grandfather, knew the exact day and time that he was going to die. Fellow 2 : Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that? Fellow 1 : A judge told him.

lady vs guy's inbox

22 Apr 2013

A LADY'S INBOX: KEVO: hello, gal i've been trying ur numba but its not goin, i just want to let u know dat i love u.. DAVE: just give me a chance i promise i wont fail u pls.. DENNO: i will be goin clubing do u mind to join me... SONKO: send me ur [...]

johnny's wife

22 Apr 2013

Teacher:What kind of a wife would you like, Johnny? Johnny:I would want a wife like the moon... Teacher:Wow!!What a choice...do you want her to be cool and calm like the moon? Johnny:No,no... Teacher: Oh so you want her to be round and white? Johnny:No,no... Teacher: Oh so you want her to be fair and beautiful like the moon? Johnny:No,no...I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning...Only pleasure no pains

joint account

22 Apr 2013

Rasta man goes to the bank with a 25 kg bag of marijuana and hands it over to the cashier. shocked, the cashier asks, "Whats this for?" the Rasta man replies, "Me here to open a "Joint Account"

law vs psychology

21 Apr 2013

A guy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?" The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!" All the students in the library started staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked [...]

you reap what you sow

21 Apr 2013

WOMAN : My Husband is not intrested in sex. DOCTOR : Ok! Give these pills to him Everyday, put 1 pill in his tea. The woman did and they had sex which they enjoyed. Next day she put 2 pills in his tea and they enjoyed much more. 3rd day, she emptied the whole bottle [...]

indeed a bad day

17 Apr 2013

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: Come on man, I was [...]

careful what you bring

17 Apr 2013

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of [...]

my brother in law

17 Apr 2013

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine, said the nun, gently patting [...]

math lesson

17 Apr 2013

Maths teacher asked Johnny, "If u have 12 chocolate and u give 5 to elisa, 3 to alice and 4 to jessie, Then what will u get?" Johny replied, "sir! 3 new girl friends"

how to politely tell a lady to shut up

17 Apr 2013

this is how you can tell a very pretty lady to shut up without sounding rude or hurting her... ...hi gorgeous, Would you mind introducing your lower lip to the upper lip and letting them hug each other for a while?

does your wife control you?

17 Apr 2013

peter and his wife are attending the church service. in the middle of the service, the preacher announced, "men, If you know your wife is controls you, move to the left". All men in the church moved to left except peter. The pastor was amused and asked, "How comes your wife doesn't control you?" peter quietly replied, "Pastor, she just told me not to move"

who will do the dishes?

16 Apr 2013

A young man has always dreamed on owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer. After picking out the perfect bike the dealer warns him that if he leaves his Harley in the rain the chrome has a tendency to rust. He tells [...]

little johnny and his dad

14 Apr 2013

Little Johnny was relaxing besides his father in the living room watching t.v... Father : Why don't you just go and study, Johnny? Little Johnny: What for? Father: You'll get good marks. Little Johnny: Then? Father: You'll get good job. Little Johnny: Then what? Father: You'll have big house and new car. Little Johnny: So [...]

4 football fanaticcs

11 Apr 2013

Four men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, one of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The first man said, "I support Liverpool, so I'll eat his liver". The 2nd man said, "I support Manchester United, so I'll eat his chest". The 3rd man said, "I support Arsenal, so I'll eat.... but I'm not very hungry now!"

golfer and 2 ants

11 Apr 2013

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up [...]

cunning neighbour

11 Apr 2013

Every time the man next door headed toward s Michael's house, Michael knew he was coming to borrow something. "He won't get away with it this time," muttered Michael to his wife. "Watch this." "Er, I wonder if you'd be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began. "Gee, I'm awfully sorry," said Michael with [...]

soccer for the blind

11 Apr 2013

A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how [...]

funny police

11 Apr 2013

George, an elderly man, was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He [...]

pilot's welcome message

11 Apr 2013

An airplane pilot was welcoming the passengers on the plane shortly after take-off. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 321, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and...," when suddenly he [...]

too drunk

11 Apr 2013

A pub is closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him, "You were really drunk last night weren't you?" "Yeah, why? How do you know?" "You left your wheelchair at the pub."

bathing santa

11 Apr 2013

Banta came to meet Santa at his house. He knocked at the door; and was surprised to see Santa dripping with water, opened the door while he was butt naked. "Come on Santa, aren't you ashamed? Why don't you wear something?", said Banta. Santa sheepishly ran into the bathroom and came back wearing his slippers.

drunk fart

11 Apr 2013

There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunkard in a bar. Suddenly the drunkard stands up and yells, "ATTENTION ALL" then farts loudly. The wife got extremely embarrassed, and the husband looked at the drunk and said, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife." The drunks replies, "I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

a drunk driver and a cop

11 Apr 2013

A Police Officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a [...]

parliament session

11 Apr 2013

A member of the Parliament, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this House is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!" All the other members demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. [...]

100 rupees

11 Apr 2013

In Lok Sabha, a Congress MP during his speech told a story..... "There was a father who gave 100 rupees to each of his 3 sons and asked them to buy things and fill up a room completely. "First son bought hay for Rs. 100 but couldn't fill the room entirely. "Second son bought cotton [...]

3 brazillions

11 Apr 2013

Donald Rumsfeld gave the president his daily briefing. He concluded by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed." "OH NO!" the president exclaimed. "That's terrible!" His staff was stunned at his display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sat, his head in his hands. Finally, the president looked up and asked, "Just how many is a brazillion?"

am not free

11 Apr 2013

The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said, "I'm not free. I'm four."

wanna git out

2 Apr 2013

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon" answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. "What time does the bar open?" He asks. "Same time as [...]

drinking is bad

1 Apr 2013

At a Bar, a NUN preaches: Drinking is Bad. Man: Have you tried it? Nun: No, Never. Man: Ok, you try once, if you don't like it, I'll giv up Drinking. Nun: Ok, but bring it in a Teacup, I don't want people seeing me drinking. ...Man goes to the bartender and says: Giv me two Shots of Rum in Tea-Cups. Bartender: IS THAT NUN HERE Again?

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