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communication skills

31 Mar 2013

Jack and Mark are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Mark replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?" The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter [...]


they are finally together

29 Mar 2013

Agnes was married and had 13 children. When her husband died, she got married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas!, she finally died. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving [...]


johnny in court

29 Mar 2013

Judge: Now then, please tell me, what is the charge against you?" Johny: I was caught shopping very early. Judge:That doesn't seem like an offence to me. What do you mean by "very early?" Johny: Well, your Honour It was before the shop was open.


fascinate

29 Mar 2013

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep.. It was fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate, not fascinating'. Sally [...]


burger king

29 Mar 2013

Wife : Honey can u help me with the garden? Husband : Do I look like a Gardener? Wife : Honey the toilet is broken... Husband : Do I look like a Plumber? ( Later The husband went out for lunch & when he came back everything was fixed ) Husband : Did u fix [...]


found the remote

29 Mar 2013

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed [...]


angels overload

29 Mar 2013

Father Mbayo was driving at around 2.00am alone in his car and got to a roadblock. The policeman stopped him and asked for everything which he gave out. The policeman had nothing to ask again, in order to charge him, guess what the police man said; "I charge you for driving alone at this time [...]


sugar test

29 Mar 2013

Jonny Goes Into A Chemist, Reaches Into His Pocket And Takes Out A Small Bottle And a Teaspoon. He Pours Some Liquid Into The Teaspoon And Offers It To The Chemists Assistant. "Could You Taste This, Please?" The Chemists Assistant Takes The Teaspoon, Puts It In His Mouth, Swirls The Liquid Around and Swallows It. "Does It Taste Sweet?" Asked Jonny. "No, Not at All" Says The Chemists Assistant."Good ," Says Jonny. "The Doctor Told Me To Come Here And Get My Urine Tested For Sugar"


favourite parent

29 Mar 2013

dad: between me and your mom, who do you love themost? son: i love the both of you... dad: i mean... who is you favourite parent? son: the both of you... dad: no! choose one ...assuming that i went to america n your mom went to paris, where would you choose to go? son: i [...]


prison break spoiler

28 Mar 2013

fred, Steve and johnny all escaped from prison and got into a nearby woods and each of them climbed separate trees. When the police found Fred's tree and asked who was up there, he chirped like a bird. When the police went to Steve's tree, he made some chipmunk noises. When the police went to johnny's tree, johnny said, "MOOOOOOOOOOW!"


the fastest thing

28 Mar 2013

4 Jamaicans were seated smoking Weed. They were all philosophising on what was the Fastest thing in the World.. NATTY: Me tink de fassis ting is a thought b'coz b4 U can tink it,it already thought.. GB: Nah man,da fasses ting is a blink b'coz b4 U tink to blink,U dun blink already!... MANGO MAN: [...]


poison prescribtion

28 Mar 2013

A married woman entered a Pharmacy, walked to the Pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said, 'I would like to buy FAST HUMAN POISON'. The Pharmacist asked, 'why, what... for? The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband'. The Pharmacist shouted, 'Lord have mercy, it’s against the law! It’s a sin. 'Absolutely [...]


smart thief

28 Mar 2013

Kamau and Okoth entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, Okoth steals 3 chocolate bars. After leaving the store, Okoth says to Kamau: "Man I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, you cant beat that". Kamau replies "You want to see something better, lets go back [...]


potentiality vs reality

28 Mar 2013

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?" His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll show you the difference. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. [...]


12 funny laws

28 Mar 2013

FUNNY LAWS: 1. Law of Queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now. 2. Law of Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy tone. 3. Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, [...]


johnny and his teacher

28 Mar 2013

Teacher : Who is the President of Iraq ? Johnny : I don't know Miss Teacher : You need to focus more on yourstudies. Johnny : Please Miss, can I ask a question ? Teacher : Yes. Johnny : Do U know Angela ? Teacher : No, why ? Johnny : You need to focus more on your husband!


thugs on the road

28 Mar 2013

A Traffic cop stops a car. he says to the driver, "Congrats, you have won $2000 for wearing your seat belt and driving nicely, so what are u gonna do with the money? The driver says, " I will buy a driving licence" The lady next to him says, "Dont listen to him officer he [...]


no more school

28 Mar 2013

IN A CLASS... Teacher: Why did u laugh? Boy: I saw strap of u bra! Teacher: Get out, No class for you for a week. (another boy laughs) Teacher: What are u laughng at? Boy: I saw both straps! Teacher: Get out. No class for you for a month. (she bends down to pick a [...]


abraham and isaac

27 Mar 2013

Abraham wants to upgrade his PC to Windows 95. Isaac is doubting this. he says to him, "dad, you can't run Windows 95 on your old, slow 386. Everyone knows that you need at least a fast 486 with a minimum of 16 megs of memory in order to multitask effectively with Windows 95." But Abraham, the man of faith, gazed calmly at his son and replied, "My son, God will provide the RAM."


ain't touching it!

27 Mar 2013

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob's standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help [...]


husband or wife?

27 Mar 2013

A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, "I want to have some sex. You wanna be the husband or the wife? The accountant replies, "Well, if I have to be one or the other, I guess I'd rather be the husband. The big guy says, "Okay, Now get over here and suck your wife's d*ck."


hearing aid

27 Mar 2013

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost?" he asked the clerk. "That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2 to $2,000." "Let's see the $2 model," he said. The clerk put the device around the man's neck, "You [...]


do you smoke?

26 Mar 2013

Lady: Do you smoke? Man: Yes Lady: How many packs a day? Man: 3 packs Lady: How much per pack? Man: £10.00 Lady: And how long have you been smoking? Man: 15 years Lady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £900. In [...]


should i?

26 Mar 2013

Son killed butterfly, dad said " No butter for a month." Son killed honey bee, dad said " No honey for a month" Mom killed cockroach, son said " Dad you'd better tell her or should I?


salary types

26 Mar 2013

TYPES OF SALARY: Onion Salary: You grab it, you open it, and you cry. Storm Salary: You don't know when it's coming or going. Menstrual Salary: It comes once a month and lasts only three days. Magic Salary: You touch it and it disappears. WHICH ONE IS YOURS?


failed approach

26 Mar 2013

MAN IN A MINI BUS WANTED TO IMPRESS FELLOW PASSENGERS WITH HIS PROPOSAL ANTICS, SO HE CHOSE THIS QUIET BEAUTIFUL LADY TWO SEATS BEHIND HIM FOR A TARGET. MAN: Hi there Gorgeous, I bet we have met before. Don't deny it, you have seen this handsome figure before, right? I just can't figure out where. LADY: You are right. I am a Receptionist at a Sexually Transmitted Infections Clinic. How are you feeling these days?


drunk at the cinema

25 Mar 2013

A drunk guy was with his girlfriend at a cinema and suddenly, he fell asleep. After a while, he woke up and started screaming 'MY PENIS, MY PENIS, MY PENIS'! All the people in the cinema were surprised at the guys behaviour. He continued, 'Where is my penis? Someone has cut my penis and my nuts! Oh God what have I done to deserve this?' The embarrassed girlfriend said, 'shut up, you idiot! Your hand is in my panty'!


won't escape today

23 Mar 2013

patrick was at a Mental Hospital for 7 years and wanted to get out so bad. so he spent 5 months practicing to jump over the gate The day for escape arrived and he gave goodbyes to his friends and vanished after 2 min he came back and his friends asked if he had forgotten something, patrick said, "eish i found the gate opened so I couldn't jump I'll try Tomorrow"...


ghost in a taxi

23 Mar 2013

A Taxi Passenger Touched The Driver On The Shoulder To Ask Him a Question. The Driver Screamed, Lost Control Of The Car, Nearly Hit a Bus, Went Up On The Footpath & Stopped Few Centimeters Far From a Shop Window. 4 a Second, Everything Went Quiet In The Cab. Then, The Driver Said: "Look Buddy! [...]


perfect reply

23 Mar 2013

A Soldier Stationed In Iraq Recently Received A Letter From His Girlfriend Back Home. It Read As Follows:Dear Ricky , I Can No Longer Continue Our Relationship . The Distance Between Us Is Just Too Great. I Must Admit That I Have Cheated On You Twice, Since You ’ve Been Gone , And It ’s [...]


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